


White

by Angel_made_of_scars



Series: Leading Into A Life [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Autism, Dermatillomania, M/M, OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 18:12:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6968443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cas picks his skin, there's usually something wrong. Its usually something important or something troubling him. Sometimes, it's not though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	White

Sometimes, most times, he says he doesn't realize it's happening. Dean believes him, because he's usually staring of into space when he does it. His skin gets red, and sometimes it dots with little blood spots under the skin, from scratching. Dean hums and pulls his hands away, and Cas nods that he's ok. If he's not, they play mirror, and they mimic each others movements, until Cas says he doesn't feel like scratching.

Sometimes it's different. Sometimes he does know he's doing it. A compulsion, a _need _ _ _to do it, that's what he says. I _need _ _ _to, I _have to _ _ _.____________

____________Cas starts simple. He picks at the tiny hair folicles that he can see on his arms, the miniscule white part sticking out. Or, he picks at an acne spot on his shoulder, or in the crease of his elbow, where he still gets it sometimes despite being a little older then most college students._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Cas doesn't stop though. He gets obsessed, he ' _needs _ _ _to get this little white spot from under the skin, Dean'. So he digs. He pinches with tweezer-like nails until he bleeds, then stops the bleeding and goes past that. To the pink layer of skin under, then the white of muscle tissue._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He can't get it out though, because he can't just dig muscle out with anything short of a knife, and when he's in a compulsive mood, Dean hides things that could aid him. Tweezers, the pocket knife, nail files, stacks of paper that might _need _ _ _to get readjusted every few minutes. Books where the pages have messy folds in the corners of the page, because Cas will fold every page to match. He makes sure the dishes are hastily put away though, so Cas has something uneven to fix, to keep his mind at peace._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Now, Cas picks, and picks, and picks, and he doesn't feel a thing, just a need to get that white out. Dean walks in the front door and sees, and he knows it's not good. So, he comes in and sits next to him, and quietly starts to hum. It's some newer song that had played on the radio at the shop, and he's had it stuck in his head for a while._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Cas lets Dean pull his hands away gently, and Deans face scrunches up with worry at seeing the blood on his nails. He pulls Cas up off the couch and leads him to the bathroom, where he continues to hum._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Dean lets the water gets warm and pulls Cas' fingers under the tap water, then scrubs gently under them to get out anything left behind. Dean has just finished when he hears Cas starting to hum along. He looks up and meets his eyes, and it's a question. Do you want me to stop? Do you want to hum by yourself? Cas doesn't look away though._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Sometimes he does this too, the staring. Some days, actually looking in peoples eyes is torture, but others, he stares. He studies the eyes, the color, the shape, the little patterns and lines, the black hole that swallows it all, barely changing bigger or smaller the longer he stares._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Dean backs them up and pulls Cas to sit on the edge of the tub, then lets him stare for a few minutes as he hums. He's switched songs by now, and Cas has stopped humming with him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Eventually he has to get back to it, and he stands. He holds Cas' hand gently, but just enough to keep him anchored, so he doesn't start picking again. Dean knows he's got Cas in a sort of trance, and he doesnt want to break it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Dean pulls the band-aids and antibiotic ointment from the cabinet and sits back down. He unscrews the cap from the tube, and it falls in the tub, making a noise. Not a loud noise, but a noise. Cas leans down and moves the lid an inch, so it's in the very center of the tub. Deans knows he's losing him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Quickly, he applies the ointment and starts to put a band-aid over it. It's too late though._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"Too far, 's not straight, it's not straight, it has to be straight." Cas muttered. Dean nodded and handed him a new one, and pulled that one off. Cas opened it and angled it, until it was perfect, exactly right._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Dean hummed as he pulled Cas up again. He hummed as he pulled him back to the bedroom, and he hummed as he laid down in his bed, on his side, with exactly 50% of the bed left for Cas to lay on. He hummed while Cas got under the covers, and hummed as Cas tapped the bed, to let him know it was ok to put his arms around him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Then, Dean stopped humming. Cas scratched his hand, but Dean quickly started to gently run blunt nails over his back, and he settled quickly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"Sorry."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"It's ok. Bad day?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"I got the schedule wrong. I'm suppose to go in on thursday, not tuesday, not today. I'm wrong." Cas said quietly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"It's ok. We all make mistakes. It that why you did that to your arm? Was it stress?" Dean asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"No, I'm- I'm not right. Everythings not... Right today. My arm wasn't right, the white is wrong." Cas said. So a yes then, Dean figured._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"It's ok. We'll make it right, we'll make everything right. You've just got to relax a little first. Why don't we nap?" Dean asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"We're in bed. So yes." Cas said. Dean nodded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"Ok, we can do homework later. Come on, shut those blue eyes." Dean said quietly. Cas obeyed, and his head sunk further into Deans pillow as he relaxed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"Good afternoon Dean."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"Not goodnight?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"No, it's only the afternoon."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"Ok, good afternoon Cas."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
